by Sara Sadik
Being single means - more than anything- learning to appreciate compliments from construction workers. Yes, as a single girl I pretend to hate them and grimace at the cat calls and morning comments but inside? Inside I’m ecstatic. Since moving to New York City a couple of months ago I’ve kept casual tabs on the do’s and don’ts of living the ultimate single life in the city. If nothing else, Sex and the City (... and Sex and the Upper East Side) has taught people from everywhere, from Cairo to California, that its okay to be single. They clearly left a couple of crucial details out however, and so this is my attempt to fill in the gaps. Most importantly here are the things to remind yourself when you feel down about not having found your better half the silver lining to be being single so to speak. Laminate this list.
Advantages of Being Single
1) I never have to pretend to want to do something I clearly don’t want to do. No, I don’t want to see what happens when you microwave a hot dog. Simple as that.
2) Dealing with relatives is enough when they’re my own so I’m thankful when I don’t have to pretend to get along with someone’s sister and bond with her in Bloomingdales when I’m forced to take her shopping for jeans. Of course she’s a size 0 who wasn’t at 14?
3) Shaving is always optional.
4) All Hallmark construed holidays are voluntarily banned. February 14th in particular is a no go.
5) Not having to apologize for wanting to have a conversation during the Super Bowl or for trying to convince everyone that there is a team called ‘the new jersey turn pikes’.
6) You wont have to pretend to find his friend Jeremy’s crude sexual jokes and stunt of making oj come squirting out of his nose utterly entertaining.
The Drawbacks
And yet, in all my happiness I can’t help but miss a couple of things from being part of a couple and so here are a few of the drawbacks of being single.
1) No one will find your disastrous bed head and goat like bad breathe adorable.
2) When arguing about who the cutest pussy cat doll is you’ll have no one to get mad at when he says ‘its so hard to choose just one’.
3) You’ll find yourself threatening happy couples all snuggly in barnes and nobles chosing books together and criticize them for not having any individuality. Who cares if you’d be doing the same if you were dating someone– the point is you’re not and so no one else is allowed to be happy.
4) No genuine pep talk pre interview ‘go gettum tiger’ are available on request. Instead you’ll have to resort to your other insecure single friends who probably don’t have time and can’t even remember what you’re interviewing for.
5) Not having someone find the fact that you can’t dance and so resort to the running man the most adorable thing.
6) No one will try and convince you that your shower rendition of Whitney Houston’s ‘Queen of the Night’ is American idol material. 7) Not having a backup razor to grab in case you forget to restock your own.
The bottom line is if you are single and having a hard time making it look like you’re happily single try actually smiling at couples. Throwing rocks at them will only make them think you’re just another ‘single bitter gal’. Accidentally throwing rocks is also not allowed. As for my daily ego boost? I may have to move once the construction on 2nd Avenue is finished. Beirut anyone?
Check out the newly launched Upper East Side Scenester Singles Events!