Since the Cooper-Hewitt, National Museum of Design opened its newest exhibit, Fashion in Colors, hordes of outrageously desirable women have been passing through its doors at an almost alarming rate. The exhibit focuses on the influence and patterns of ever-evolving western fashion. Single men, take note. This could be a once in a lifetime opportunity to meet dozens (if not more) well dressed, bred, and educated women in less than an hour. Even better, there will be hardly any male heterosexual competition for a two block radius. You will have your pick of women- all ages, races, religions, and professions, and only the crème de la crème of each subcategory. Oh yeah, and there will be a huge upswing in the model to regular human ratio. Are you singing “Amazing Grace” yet? The Cooper-Hewitt seems to have reinvented the sport of speed dating.

You might be wondering just how to approach such a bounty from Cupid… after all, this won’t be anything like the bar scenes or social settings you are used to. And what’s worse is your usual crutch, “Can I buy you a drink?” will just look overwhelmingly peculiar in the museum. So how can you make this work without coming off as the gay best-friend type? Here is what I suggest:

• Wear something you would ordinarily wear, just look clean and presentable. Too much hair product or pattern coordination could send the wrong signals (Brokeback Mountain signals).
• Don’t pretend to be a fashion and design buff if you aren’t! Just act interested because “style and fashion reflect every aspect of culture.” By the way, I truly recommend rehearsing that quote, if it comes out in a sincere way the women will melt in your hands. You’ll appear considerate, intuitive, intelligent, and still not overly feminine!
• If you happen to strike a conversation with a woman, comment on her sense of style in a positive way. This is the most direct route to a phone number, I can assure you.
• If a woman seems a little TOO curious about why a perfectly straight, gorgeous hunk like yourself is even here in the first place, just remind her that you live in the neighborhood and usually like to check out the local Upper East Side museum exhibits when you get a chance (score some culture points).
• In the event that another predatory male like yourself stumbles into your territory, don’t worry. This can work to your benefit. Try a comment like “I bet you that guy just came for the ladies,” you should then give a disappointed look in the other male’s direction as if you are (and always have been) morally superior.